Ray's Happy Birthday Bar

Passyunk and Cross

my whole frigging neighborhood is a damned hipster delight.

Passyunk and Morris

9th and Chestnut

13th and Filbert

pink and foamy sounds like a reason to go to the clinic.
not a way to get clean

12th and Irving

ginger snaps

Passyunk and Cross

16th and Snyder

Passyunk and Morris

CVS parking lot

9th and Wharton

happy father's day, caballero

Passyunk and Dickenson

because it's hot outside

11th and Sansom

12th and Market


13th and Pine

when I was little, I thought "pinochle" was a pet name for vagina.
because a vagina looked kind of like a knuckle. that you pee out of.
plus the grownups always played it and told us it wasn't for kids.

12th and Ellsworth

Kayla at the Eclectic Element awarded me the Honest Scrap award. I've never gotten an award for this blog so I about peed myself.

I don't write much here, which you are probably grateful for, as I toss about 5000 words per day all over the internets and those of you who are superfans are probably about sick of my mouth.
I have a lot to say.
My brain works fast and furious and I need to get it out somewhere lest my head explodes.
Writing is good for that.
I slow my head down by going outside and looking around because if I didn't I would become so incredibly self absorbed that it would be dangerous.
And I take pictures of what I see and put them up here so you can see them too.

I've gotten this award a couple times on my main blog, and I have never had trouble writing honest things about myself. I love writing about myself. I'm good at it. Because I get a lot of practice.
I don't ever really share anything personal on this site and I'm not sure what you guys really want to know.
I think it's weird that this is my least popular site. It's my favorite one (out of more than a dozen).

So here are some things about me. Forgive me if you've already heard this. I'm cheating a bit, but I can do this because I own this url.

1. My birthday is my favorite day of the year, and it's hard to believe that it is less than two months away because this June feels like March. It's dreary, but makes for good sleeping weather. I love good sleeping weather. I love that we all say "good sleeping weather" like it is some sort of special occasion or something.

2. I'm a Leo. And born in the year of the Dragon. I am the walking talking spitting poster child for all of that craziness. So be careful. I just might own you by the end of the day, but don't worry, you'll have a great time with it all.

3. I have spidey senses. Now.
I was practically deaf as a child. I was always in trouble for not listening at school and home and someone had the lightbulb to have my hearing tested so I had a surgery and tubes and all that nonsense and now I can hear dog whistles. Seriously.
I was practically blind until two years ago, when I had Wave Front surgery. It's like LASIK for people with terrible vision and astigmatisms. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm even going to go as far as say that perfect vision and the lack of glasses and contacts and migraines resulting from eyestrain makes me a better mother. I have a three year old boychild. You might not know this. He is the smartest most beautiful most amazing person in the world. Way better than any kid you know.
I can smell everything. EVERYTHING. Blame it on my bum ears and eyes. It's not a great superpower to have. I can smell crotches from a mile away. I mean, yours isn't bad, but that guy over there smells like he spent the better part of his morning up to his sack in a trash truck. See that lady over there? For some reason she always smells like a freshly opened can of Cream of Mushroom soup. I'm suspecting she may have a fungal problem.
My whole head has been operated on. My mouth, my throat, my ears, my eyes, my nose, my sinuses, my eye hole bones. I'm practically bionic.

4. I enjoy my own writing. I think it's better than 99% of everything I've ever read. I stalk my own blogs and LOL at the funny stuff and shed real tears at some of the things I write about. I have poems I wrote in high school that are meaningful to me today, in a totally different way. My work reports always make sense to other people. I practically never get follow up phone calls re: emails or memos I send out. I'm good. And I'm pretty. Prettier than a lot of people I see every day. Just ask me. More importantly, I'm funnier than just about anyone.
Pretty fades. Humor and writing gets me through just about anything and lets me express myself and dig myself out of holes and get my foot in the door and win over the general public.

5. Sometimes I get squirmy and uncomfortable that there seems to be a lot of people reading what I put out on the internet. I'm pretty open about the things that go on in my head and that can be embarrassing because most people keep that crap in their head, where it rightfully belongs. But, I know from the comments and emails I get and the real life face to face convos that I have that all that openness and rawness is appreciated, and if I can make one person feel less alone in this weird world I feel like it is all worth it. It's scary to feel all alone.

6. I love eye make up, and I wish I was better at putting it on. I like when my hair is messy and held back from my face with my sunglasses. I like the way I smell when I have sunburned shoulders and cheeks and there is dirt on my skin.

7. I just typed "I love weird porno" but then I erased it. You probably don't want to know that. I like watching people do things that I don't do. If I cared about things that I do on a regular basis, I'd wallpaper my house in mirrors. One Girl/One Guy porn is about as exciting to me as watching someone flip the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

8. Sometimes I throw a little bit of my 5-9 personality into my 9-5 and I like the way I can make people laugh and forget they are at work for a minute.

9. I was sent to my room a lot when I was a kid. I listened to music and twisted my fingers and feet into weird positions and made funny faces in the mirror for hours on end. When we are drinking together I show you all the gross stuff my face and hands and feet can do and you gag a little but always ask me to do it again.

10. I hate most 80s music. I love stuff from the 60s, 70s, 90s, and today. I never liked heavy metal or pop. But I love Britney Spears. She is a musical genius. In the sense that I won't turn her off the radio and I'll stare at her when she comes on television because she is obnoxiously hot. I've never bought any of her music. The first tape I bought (or did I get it for my birthday?) was INXS Kick. My favorite bands when I was little were Simon and Garfunkle, Cream, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Jethro Tull, the Go-Gos, Joan Jett, T. Rex, Queen, Bob Dylan, Pat Benetar, and the Monkees. My favorite albums were Paul Simon's "There Goes Rhymin' Simon", the Beatles "Let it Be" and the "Red", "White", and "Blue" albums. I aspired to be as classy as the lady on Goat's Head Soup and as sexy as the girl on the Tijuana Brass album and when I closed my eyes I would see the cover of the McCartney album. I still do. Someday I will throw a party and you will see that my dining room table will be staged just like that album cover.

11. I'm a chronic nose picker. There is nothing like it.

12. I am not the person I thought I would be.

13. I'm extremely sensitive to noises, lights, odors, tastes, and anything touching my skin. I don't have sensitive skin, I have sensitive nerve endings. I'm constantly overstimulated and have no idea how to shut things out but I've figured out how to act like a normal person in spite of it all. I notice everything.

14. I hate when people cough or scratch their dry skin. It disrupts my aura in such a damaging way that I can't help but get angry.

15. I took years of dance and piano but I have zero talent in either area.

16. I never understood why people would think that Jesus was white.

17. I don't understand how people can look down on other people or want to change what others believe in. Other than that, I'm a total hater. But I do it with jokes, so it's okay. I dislike and love everyone equally.

18. My favorite color is orange. And kelly green and royal blue and chocolate brown. I like to wear navy blue. I hate to wear black. I hate when anyone wears black pants because they look like they would smell bad. Like waitress pants. Like skunked beer and rotten blue cheese dressing and cheap frying oil. And they make me think that the only reason someone is wearing black pants is because they think they are fat from the waist down. When someone is skinny on top and big on the bottom I call them a centaur. But not to their face or anything.

19. When I close my eyes and picture myself I think of myself in shorts and a tank top, struggling to climb across rocks away from water as the sun goes down and laughing at someone who has already made it back to steady land. I can't remember ever doing that in my life but I look so happy that I'll keep that image.

20. I'm still not buying in to this Swine Flu billshut. It's the flu, it's bad, it's killed hundreds of people. Okay. Hundreds of people in Philadelphia die every year because they aren't smart enough to turn on a fan in the summertime. We live in brick houses. They turn into brick ovens. The nice part about that is that you can set a DiGiornos on the counter before work and it is baked to perfection by the time you get home. The bad part about that is grandma cooks up like a ham under the same conditions. Take home lesson? Rub her down with Ginger Ale and pin some pineapple rings on her soft spots on your way out the door each morning, just in case she doesn't feel like cracking a window.

21. I really like owls. But not so much the other birds. Ick.

22. I believe that there are dead people all around us. Both the icky spooky ghosty kind and the ones that look just like you and me, who go about life but haven't technically died yet. It's sad. That's why we should treat everyone nicely and fairly because we don't know how bad they have it in their heads, in their hearts, or in their homes. But I'm not nice to everyone. There are people who I really can't effing stand and I can't bring myself to be nice to them. I try to keep my mouth shut but sometimes it gets out. Luckily I am pretty good at being snarky without hurting people's feelings. I think.

23. I have a LoveHate relationship with eggs. I don't like when people use eggs to make breadcrumbs stick to chicken before frying it up. I used to think that it was like they were basting a mother with her own child, but then I thought about it and realized that eggs aren't baby chickens at all because they aren't fertilized. Eggs are technically chicken menstruation. So it's more like they are basting a mother hen with her own period. Then eating it. Dipped in catsup. Mmmmm. Visuals.

24. I'm nice to most people I hate because somewhere deep inside I feel bad for them. I don't hate anyone that doesn't deserve it because of something they have done to me. I don't hate anyone that has done something terrible to someone else. I don't hate anyone I don't know. Not even crappy old Hitler. I hate what he did, I hate what he did from the bottom of my being but he's dead and gone and is probably getting his somewhere for now and forever. I'm sure it involves his anus being stretched to unbelievable diameter over and over and over again into eternity.

25. I stay up at night and think about people who's blogs I read, just like I do my real life friends. I wish more of my real life friends had blogs so I knew what was going on in their lives. It's way to easy to just say "same old same old" and move the conversation along to talk about the olden days when times were easier or tomorrow when it might be brighter when an old friend asks you what's up, but no one would post a blog that said "nothing but the rent" and call it a day. If you have a blog, there is a good chance that I'm stalking it. I do it because I care about you and love to hear what you have to say to the world.

Broad and Spruce to 39th and Spring Garden to 4th and Spring Garden to Broad and Locust (a little out of order)

what DO i actually do for a living?, you ask? lots of things. luckily i get a chance to do it all over Philadelphia.
Here's my Friday morning, 8.45-noon.

I see a lot of things that remind me of penises and vaginas. Did you know that seeing penises and vaginas all over is a sign of schizophrenia? I don't think I'm schizophrenic, but I'm always worried that's the first sign.
This fountain at Drexel reminds me of a flappy vagina.
seeing demons everywhere is another sign. but i'm pretty sure you can see this one too.

it's been so damp for so long that everything is turning green. even the roads are getting mossy.

I almost forgot about drug references in dorm windows. I've been out of college for over a decade.

wake and bake. 9 am joints.

i want to meet the person who has tits enough to tag a church. with jesus' name.

when i was pregnant i had nightmares about this hideous muralbaby

hydrangeas grow like weeds in this town. the more nasty the neighborhood, the more beautiful the hydrangeas

sometimes I don't understand art. but I still appreciate it.

hi roger! it's steve. if you wear your olive polo i'll wear mine. oh! and let's do our chinos too! and black shoes. then let's go to lunch together!

lunch! all this walking makes a girl hungry. for $4.95 you get a huge plate of Indian food. an extra $1.50 buys you a samosa and a coke. yes please!

i tell people i walk everywhere because it keeps me skinny. truth is, i think my town is so damn beautiful that it's worth taking the time to take the time.